Getting Real

As a Christ follower, I believe that Jesus is the only path to true happiness and an eternity with my Father in Heaven. He has redeemed me and made me a new creature so that I may fervently share His name. My ultimate goal through this blog is to encourage others who may be able to relate to my story in some way. Whatever it may be that leads you to read, I pray that my story will impact an audience that is in need of Christ's love and compassion.

Most people who know me would say I am a very outgoing guy. I love to have fun! I love singing and taking part in beautiful music, playing sports, hanging out with friends and socializing for hours, and meeting new people and finding something to talk about.

However, most people who know me also do not know the core of my story. I like to hide my sins and struggles behind my Christian mask so that no one will be able to identify what I am really going through (I think a lot of us are pretty good at that). I think, Okay, Sam, just don't think about it and no one will be able to tell what the deal is. But is that what Christ calls us to do?

Absolutely not! The bible tells us that we should leave nothing in the darkness and instead bring everything to light. Sometimes, that can be extremely difficult. No one wants to talk about their most hidden secrets, but that is because we try to hide from our sins and hope that eventually they will just go away.

They never will.
I'm done hiding.

My college experience has been the most eventful time of my life; more has happened in the past three years than I could have imagined…but that is not where my story starts.

I came to know Christ at the young age of seven. Even though I wasn't fully positive what it meant to have a relationship with Jesus, I knew that I was being forgiven for the wrong things I had done and would do in my life. I knew that Jesus loved me. I grew up attending church, church camps, VBS, and all kinds of events that taught me about my walk with the Lord. Something was always different though, and I couldn't quite understand it as a child.

When I reached the sixth grade, my life significantly changed forever. I started noticing people in ways I never had before. My thoughts were corrupted by sinful and sexual thoughts about others, but I didn't know why. I would lie awake at night with images and fantasies flowing through my mind that distracted me from sleeping for hours. I never talked about with what I was struggling in fear of judgement, hurt, rejection, shame, and ridicule. Instead, I faked my Christian walk in the most stereotypical way I could so that no one would really see what was going on in my life.

Why do I find this person attractive? Isn't this wrong? Doesn't God say not to do this? Why would He do this to me?

 My struggle grew deeper, stronger, more intense, more detailed…but I kept my mouth shut. This was not something I could talk about to anyone, not even at my church. No one. What would my friends think?
They would tell everyone.
They would mock me.
They would hurt me.
They would betray me.
They'd tell my parents.
I was so afraid to admit to what I finally realized was taking over my life.

I was a twelve year old boy who was struggling with homosexuality.