Weaknesses

Sammy, my dear son,

You will never fully know how grateful I am that you entered my life when you did. Our heavenly Father continues to grant me bucketfuls and boatloads of blessings through you, your heart, and your story. May you always rest assured in the hollow of His hand and comforted by His heart!

Your Vulnerable post caused me to walk down memory lane.

I remember when you came to audition for us -- a turning point, to say the least!
I remember your first lesson with me; you seemed so very eager to learn and assimilate.
I remember spotting the unmistakable radiance and sunshine that emanated from your eyes.
I remember how easily you managed to befriend so many different people in a matter of weeks.

I also remember distinctly the day when you and I hit a wall in the studio, when the rapid vocal progress came to a halt, when it became ultra clear to me that something was amiss. The buoyancy I had come to associate with you was nowhere to be found and, try as I may, my technical directives to you did absolutely nothing for your voice that day.

I just knew we were dealing with something other than technique.

I stopped looking at you with my physical eyes and prayed that God would open my spiritual eyes. I knew I needed the Father's insight to wade in the water of your troubled heart. All of a sudden, it dawned on me you were hiding something, carrying a load that was decidedly too heavy to bear.

I, thus, looked at you -- really looked into your eyes.

That must be the moment you referred to in your post as "the most heart-wrenching look." Forever etched in my memory, that look revealed to me a young man who was hurting deeply but one who was too afraid to let others know. Shivers ran up and down my spine as I perceived your paralyzing fear yet herculean effort to live in secrecy.

What sort of world do we live in that makes us so afraid of being genuine and open about our wounds and cares? What kind of self-righteous conceit rules the affairs of humanity so much that anyone of us would steer clear from transparency? 

I remember weeping on the inside as I gradually understood your predicament -- you sought to protect yourself because whatever it was that troubled your soul could subject you to harsh criticism or vile rejection.

I knew then I just had to invite you to use the only weapon that can combat fear.

Vulnerability.

Of course, vulnerability conjures up images of weakness. However, the same apostle Paul you quoted in your post also said that God's power is made perfect in weakness. He further asserted, " . . . I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor 12:9-10, NIV).

Paul chose vulnerability.

You were right. I didn't know what was brewing in your heart on that day but I knew there was something. I am glad you "returned to the office . . . broke down in tears . . . freely confessed . . . cried, laughed, got angry . . . and became vulnerable." 

Listening to you that afternoon rekindled in me a passion for Christ and for His bride. It re-adjusted my heart and ear to realize a whole world is dying for someone, anyone to take time and listen. For you, it was same-sex attraction; for others, it could be all kinds of other matters. All I know is this: God used you to heighten my sensitivity to hear anything others might be dying to share with me. Thank you for embracing vulnerability!

And as far as agape is concerned, I thank the Lord that love is the sum of the whole law. You and I are invited to love God and neighbor wholeheartedly. Yet how difficult it is for us to understand how it works in our daily interactions and transactions! In fact, it is to love that people on either side of the homosexual question appeal when tempers flare and fists tighten. 

From one side of the aisle, one asks, "How can men and women who profess to know Christ choose to pursue romance in same-sex relationships?"

From the other side of the aisle, another probes, "How can a good and loving God say it is wrong of me to act upon desires that are so decidedly intrinsic to my physical and emotional makeup?"

No wonder you "didn't keep this inner wrestling to [yourself]." And as you prayed and shared, you understandably faced some pretty unsettling pushback. So many friendships have been ended and so many bonds have been severed over this issue. So many people disagree and argue; so many lives have been extinguished; so many children and teens have been bullied; so many signs and banners and insults and weapons have been brandished because of this divide. 

Yet in spite of it all, you gradually came to your current understanding that acting out your homosexual feelings are against the dictates of Scripture. Though you "did not want to deny [yourself] the savor of a man-to-man romance, you came to face what [you] believe truth is, according to God's Word; [you] could not find any Scriptural support of God celebrating or even condoning same-sex romance."

Can we pause and see how incredible that is? 

Against so many odds, you have been empowered to believe, not primarily based on your feelings or emotions or human reasons, but on the Word of God inscribed on your heart by the Holy Spirit Himself. You have made the decision to put all your emotional, physical, and rational eggs into one basket -- the authoritative, inerrant, and inspired Word of God. 

And I could not be more grateful you came to this place un-coerced.

Sammy, my gratitude notwithstanding, I must warn you many will tell you that you are wrong. You may be receiving messages to that effect as we speak and many more will come in the future. But would that be the first time an individual would be wrong? No. "To err is human," as the saying goes. If you are wrong, the worst thing I see for you is that you might spend your life without any romantic relationship with another guy. However, if you are right about homosexual relationships being against the dictates of Scripture, you would have spared yourself the hardening of heart that occurs through spiritual disobedience and the eternal separation from a most gracious and intimate Father (1 Cor 6:9-10). 

It is not my place to tell you what to believe, dear son. 
I leave that in the extremely capable hands of the Holy Spirit.

Still, I do know your road of faith and freedom will continue to be peppered with tests and thorns, my dear son. Persevere to the end -- not on your own strength but relying on the power of Christ's blood. May your vulnerability lead the feet of other strugglers and sufferers to the Great Healer who sees us as wounded lambs He holds in His embrace. Know that He hears our cries for help and healing, and bids us trust Him with our sufferings, aches, sores, and heartaches. He alone teaches us through our weaknesses to lean on His perfect strength.